#16 – Something You Always Think ‘What If…’ About

It’s only just after midnight for me, and thus hardly ‘tomorrow’ at all. But since I had to skip a day of posting, I figured I’ll get this one done now, and probably do another one ‘later today’. Fair? Awesome.
This’ll probably be quickish anyway.

To put it simply: I don’t really regret much of anything. Therefore, there’s not much I look back on thinking ‘if I’d done that differently….’ and genuinely hope the outcome would be different. CAN’T change the past, so why hope? I do, however, sometimes simply wonder about it, all preferences aside.

I’ll sometimes look back, wondering what would have happened if I’d replied to an email faster. Namely, a specific email to a friend; one that died not too long afterwards. I was lazy with emails, and keeping in touch. He might have been unable to email not long after he sent the last one, but he might have. I might have gotten a bit more in, if I hadn’t waited to respond. Maybe not, but maybe.

I wonder if I’d still be close to a couple people if I’d kept my mouth shut. Or if it matters. [I don’t think it does, so I guess that means it doesn’t.]

I wonder how life might be now if I hadn’t taken a chance and emailed the friend who is now my longtime boyfriend on a whim, after not speaking for a year and a half.

Alternately, I wonder how the future might be different if I hadn’t emailed him, or how it’ll be because I did.

How life in general might have been if I’d gone to public school instead of being homeschooled my entire life.

What I’d be doing if I hadn’t participated in all those little sixth-grade chatroom sessions in an online class I took. How weird it seems that I wouldn’t know my boyfriend or a good number of my best friends – or most any of the friends I have now – if I hadn’t.

If life would be any different now if my parents had let me get my permit/license when I was legally allowed, as opposed to only working on the driving bit of the license now, a few weeks before I’m 18.

How I would be as a person if I hadn’t started dating my boyfriend. If I’d have wound up as screwy as I thought I might, or turned around on my own.

I wonder if our family’s lovebird would still like me if I’d bothered to not be a sissy when he decided he was upset with me for leaving for a weekend.

Ya know. Stuff like that.
Tomorrow’s topic: Something that you’re proud of.


About TheChaoticCloset

I'm pretty much your average 19 year old girl. I'm kind of rabidly into anything artsy [well. I adore most anything in the realm of 'art'. Doesn't mean I'm good at it all.] including fashion. After becoming sort of obsessed with Polyvore.com, I decided to create this. It'll probably mostly just be a giant, chaotic mess of all my little projects, loves, wants, obsessions and some random things I find along the way. Enjoy - or don't; Really, it's up to you.
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